Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another installment of Knoxby's Kuisine.
Today's recipe in one my Da used to make for the whole family. Every Sunday, ten of us trolls would gather around the table and dig in to my Da's famous Limpit loaf. This recipe makes a large loaf. You should have enough to last a couple of months, plus it tastes even better after weeks of sitting around. (Author's note: Never eat anything that's been left sitting around for weeks or months. This recipe comes from a fictional character & should not be taken seriously.)
Ingredients
Ten unripe sweet potatoes
Unripe sweet potatoes have a certain bitterness about them that I think lifts the flavor.
1 1/2 buckets of swamp sludge
You'll have to wade out to the middle of the swamp for the really tasty goo.
4 Salted Melons
Salted Melons are pretty scarce in these parts, so you might have to travel a bit. I get mine from Grimhold Marketplace. The witch that runs the booth will try to spell you. Be careful or you'll end up in her oven.
2 handfuls of wild garlic
2 Almost rotted onions
Make sure the onions are just beginning to rot. The flavor is deep and the texture is a bit slimy, which is perfect.
The most important part of your Limpit Loaf is the Limpit. These creatures burrow underground. They are a cross between a rat and a groundhog. Be careful. They aren't very fast, but they are fierce fighters. They have sharp teeth and claws and spiky horns on their heads. If you're really brave, you can reach in and snatch the Limpit by the horns. Be fast, otherwise it'll tear your arm up. My Da used to flood the burrow with water. Limpits hate water. They will be momentarily stunned and float to the surface. Prepare your Limpit. I'll leave that part up to you. I like mine a bit charred.
Mix the Limpit and the rest of the ingredients together. Really get in there and mash it all up. The consistency should be thick with a touch of slime. Don't worry about the smell. It's supposed to smell like a pair of dirty socks. The taste is amazing.
Once all your ingredients are mixed together, form it into a square loaf and place it in a pan over hot coals. For extra texture, sprinkle with a bit of dirt and ash.
Let your loaf sit for a good four hours. It should be sizzling and have a hard outer shell when done.
Let it cool before you chomp into it. You'll burn your tongue right off. I had an uncle who did that and he was never the same.
Serve with a pint of Bog Ale and a side of pickled boars' feet.
A garlicky, salty, bitter, slimy feast fit for a king. Delicious.
(Fictional recipe from a fictional character. Knixby's recipes are for fun ONLY. Never play with hot coals or fire. Do not eat dirt, ash or rotting food. Limpits are not real. The boars' feet in the MH series are not regular boars and are not real.)
#maxhamby #books #ebooks #series #fiction #read #epub #kindle #paperback #fantasy #family #friends #blogger
Today's recipe in one my Da used to make for the whole family. Every Sunday, ten of us trolls would gather around the table and dig in to my Da's famous Limpit loaf. This recipe makes a large loaf. You should have enough to last a couple of months, plus it tastes even better after weeks of sitting around. (Author's note: Never eat anything that's been left sitting around for weeks or months. This recipe comes from a fictional character & should not be taken seriously.)
Ingredients
Ten unripe sweet potatoes
Unripe sweet potatoes have a certain bitterness about them that I think lifts the flavor.
1 1/2 buckets of swamp sludge
You'll have to wade out to the middle of the swamp for the really tasty goo.
4 Salted Melons
Salted Melons are pretty scarce in these parts, so you might have to travel a bit. I get mine from Grimhold Marketplace. The witch that runs the booth will try to spell you. Be careful or you'll end up in her oven.
2 handfuls of wild garlic
2 Almost rotted onions
Make sure the onions are just beginning to rot. The flavor is deep and the texture is a bit slimy, which is perfect.
The most important part of your Limpit Loaf is the Limpit. These creatures burrow underground. They are a cross between a rat and a groundhog. Be careful. They aren't very fast, but they are fierce fighters. They have sharp teeth and claws and spiky horns on their heads. If you're really brave, you can reach in and snatch the Limpit by the horns. Be fast, otherwise it'll tear your arm up. My Da used to flood the burrow with water. Limpits hate water. They will be momentarily stunned and float to the surface. Prepare your Limpit. I'll leave that part up to you. I like mine a bit charred.
Mix the Limpit and the rest of the ingredients together. Really get in there and mash it all up. The consistency should be thick with a touch of slime. Don't worry about the smell. It's supposed to smell like a pair of dirty socks. The taste is amazing.
Once all your ingredients are mixed together, form it into a square loaf and place it in a pan over hot coals. For extra texture, sprinkle with a bit of dirt and ash.
Let your loaf sit for a good four hours. It should be sizzling and have a hard outer shell when done.
Let it cool before you chomp into it. You'll burn your tongue right off. I had an uncle who did that and he was never the same.
Serve with a pint of Bog Ale and a side of pickled boars' feet.
A garlicky, salty, bitter, slimy feast fit for a king. Delicious.
(Fictional recipe from a fictional character. Knixby's recipes are for fun ONLY. Never play with hot coals or fire. Do not eat dirt, ash or rotting food. Limpits are not real. The boars' feet in the MH series are not regular boars and are not real.)
#maxhamby #books #ebooks #series #fiction #read #epub #kindle #paperback #fantasy #family #friends #blogger