Note from the author: Welcome to Knoxby's Kuisine.
Knoxby & I hope you enjoy his venture into the culinary world, troll style.
This first entry has been posted throughout the site & the mailing list. He said he's not ready to reveal his culinary genius just yet, because you (the reader) might not be able to handle it. So, today we'll play it safe.
And before you ask, he knows Kuisine is spelled wrong. I told him it was a c instead of k, but he likes the way it looks. What're you going to do, right? You really can't argue with a troll. Enjoy.
Knoxby & I hope you enjoy his venture into the culinary world, troll style.
This first entry has been posted throughout the site & the mailing list. He said he's not ready to reveal his culinary genius just yet, because you (the reader) might not be able to handle it. So, today we'll play it safe.
And before you ask, he knows Kuisine is spelled wrong. I told him it was a c instead of k, but he likes the way it looks. What're you going to do, right? You really can't argue with a troll. Enjoy.
Welcome ladies & gentlemen,
Today's recipe will be my take on Rutabaga Stew. I'll also teach you how to make Smashed Bendel Boar. (note from the author: Bendel Boars are not real. No animals were hurt creating this imaginary recipe from this imaginary character. Thank you.) It goes great with the stew. Follow the recipe below, but look for stars/notes. They will elevate the stew's tastiness.
Rutabaga Stew
Ingredients
1 large pot ( ** You can use a cauldron, if you have one handy. If you're really desperate, you can use a hole in the ground, but you'll need something to go over it to hold up your pot or cauldron. In a pinch, I use part of the Bendel Boar.**)
1 bucket of water (**The original recipe says to use cold river water, not lake, pond, stream or puddle water. I find warm puddle water with a bit of scum around the edges adds a bit of tang that's quite flavorsome.**)
1 1/2 buckets of Boggle juice. (** The original recipe will warn you not to submerge your bucket into Boggle Hole because you'll end up with Boggle poo. Guess what? It's right! I made this mistake one time and ended up in bed with itchy green bumps and a nasty taste on my tongue that lasted for weeks. You don't want that. Do not submerge your bucket, only skim the top of Boggle Hole. If you're going to use Boggle poo, it must be prepared just right. More on that next time.**)
6 Rutabaga (** I prefer the ones that are just starting to rot **)
1 Pinch of salt (** I use a scoop of salt and make sure you get the salt from Gerbon in Grimhold. The goblin sells the most potent salt around. If you can't get to Grimhold, a Salted Melon will do in a pinch.**)
1 Peppered Pomegranate (** You can pull a couple Peppered Pomegranates off the tree at Merrihaven.**)
Put all yer ingredients in the pot, cauldron or over your hole and set over a low fire for approximately 23 hours. (**Sometimes I let it go a bit longer, I like it lumpy.**)When the stew is done, the Boggle juice should be a mustard yellow color and the peppered pomegranate should be soft. Poke it a few times to be sure. Watch your eyes. Peppered pomegranate stings! Let the stew cool down, until the Boggle juice is firm and lumpy. Serve and eat. Serves 10 dwarfs or 4 goblins or 1 troll.
Today's recipe will be my take on Rutabaga Stew. I'll also teach you how to make Smashed Bendel Boar. (note from the author: Bendel Boars are not real. No animals were hurt creating this imaginary recipe from this imaginary character. Thank you.) It goes great with the stew. Follow the recipe below, but look for stars/notes. They will elevate the stew's tastiness.
Rutabaga Stew
Ingredients
1 large pot ( ** You can use a cauldron, if you have one handy. If you're really desperate, you can use a hole in the ground, but you'll need something to go over it to hold up your pot or cauldron. In a pinch, I use part of the Bendel Boar.**)
1 bucket of water (**The original recipe says to use cold river water, not lake, pond, stream or puddle water. I find warm puddle water with a bit of scum around the edges adds a bit of tang that's quite flavorsome.**)
1 1/2 buckets of Boggle juice. (** The original recipe will warn you not to submerge your bucket into Boggle Hole because you'll end up with Boggle poo. Guess what? It's right! I made this mistake one time and ended up in bed with itchy green bumps and a nasty taste on my tongue that lasted for weeks. You don't want that. Do not submerge your bucket, only skim the top of Boggle Hole. If you're going to use Boggle poo, it must be prepared just right. More on that next time.**)
6 Rutabaga (** I prefer the ones that are just starting to rot **)
1 Pinch of salt (** I use a scoop of salt and make sure you get the salt from Gerbon in Grimhold. The goblin sells the most potent salt around. If you can't get to Grimhold, a Salted Melon will do in a pinch.**)
1 Peppered Pomegranate (** You can pull a couple Peppered Pomegranates off the tree at Merrihaven.**)
Put all yer ingredients in the pot, cauldron or over your hole and set over a low fire for approximately 23 hours. (**Sometimes I let it go a bit longer, I like it lumpy.**)When the stew is done, the Boggle juice should be a mustard yellow color and the peppered pomegranate should be soft. Poke it a few times to be sure. Watch your eyes. Peppered pomegranate stings! Let the stew cool down, until the Boggle juice is firm and lumpy. Serve and eat. Serves 10 dwarfs or 4 goblins or 1 troll.
That wasn't so hard, was it? You'll be making Rutabaga Stew like a pro in no time. Okay, now on to my original recipe for Smashed Bendel Boar.
This will take a bit of skill and strength, but it is worth it.
Smashed Bendel Boar
Bendel Boars are tricky little creatures. Speed is the key in order to catch one. They live in the north in the extreme cold, so be prepared. Bring a sack. They are slightly larger than a pig, but smaller than yer average boar. What out for the horns. They have sharp curly horns on the top of their heads like wild goats, but the horns are facing forward. You do not want to get stuck. It's very painful.
Okay, you've caught your Bendel Boar. Now it's time to prepare it. I'll leave the preparation up to you, but you will need the meatiest part, which is the rump. If your Bendel Boar has a big bottom, your in luck.
Take your Bendel bottom and smash it with your fists until it's flat, but not too flat. Rub in some wild garlic, onion and fry it up in some grease & fat. Fry both sides until it's a nice gray color. Viola! All done and ready to eat.
You can use your Bendel Boar to dip in your Rutabaga Stew. Delicious.
That is the end and I'm hungry.
This will take a bit of skill and strength, but it is worth it.
Smashed Bendel Boar
Bendel Boars are tricky little creatures. Speed is the key in order to catch one. They live in the north in the extreme cold, so be prepared. Bring a sack. They are slightly larger than a pig, but smaller than yer average boar. What out for the horns. They have sharp curly horns on the top of their heads like wild goats, but the horns are facing forward. You do not want to get stuck. It's very painful.
Okay, you've caught your Bendel Boar. Now it's time to prepare it. I'll leave the preparation up to you, but you will need the meatiest part, which is the rump. If your Bendel Boar has a big bottom, your in luck.
Take your Bendel bottom and smash it with your fists until it's flat, but not too flat. Rub in some wild garlic, onion and fry it up in some grease & fat. Fry both sides until it's a nice gray color. Viola! All done and ready to eat.
You can use your Bendel Boar to dip in your Rutabaga Stew. Delicious.
That is the end and I'm hungry.
Note from the author: And that, my friends, is Knoxby's first entry. Honestly, I would advise against giving these recipes a go. The side effects on humans are unknown, but if you're feeling brave... go for it.
#cooking #recipes #fantasy #book #ebook #series #writing #reading #humor #Max Hamby #imaginary #epub #kindle #MGlit #kidlt #food
#cooking #recipes #fantasy #book #ebook #series #writing #reading #humor #Max Hamby #imaginary #epub #kindle #MGlit #kidlt #food